Unwrapping Holiday Fatigue, New Year's Blues, and Seasonal Funk (Episode 23)

Episode Transcript

Liz Moorehead (00:03.626)
Welcome back to Beyond Your Default. I am your host Liz Moorehead, and as always, joined by George B. Thomas. George, it is our last recording of the year. Is this right? Is this our last recording of the year? Do we have one more? Oh my gosh.

George B. Thomas (00:16.861)
Yeah. Well, we'll call it the last, and then if we put another one out, it's because we're awesome.

Liz Moorehead (00:23.446)
Well, let's put it this way. This is our last recording before, I mean, Christmas is next Monday. And then, wow, don't sound too excited. Calm down. I literally have this in the notes for today. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Or is it? Duh, duh, duh. Which is what we're talking about today.

George B. Thomas (00:30.898)
Yeah, aka the apocalypse. Yeah, yeah, Christmas.

George B. Thomas (00:43.436)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (00:51.254)
This is a topic that you actually came to me with saying, I think this is what we should be talking about going into the end of the year. And I'd love to hear why. Because what we're talking about today is unwrapping holiday fatigue, the New Year's blues, and quite frankly, something that I think a lot of us are feeling right now, which is seasonal funk. So talk to me about that.

George B. Thomas (01:11.905)
Yeah. Yeah, without a doubt. And it's funny because like when you start to sing that, it's the most wonderful time of the, right? And it's the happiest season of all. At least that's what like classic songs say. And I'm with you, Liz, but is it? Like, and here's the thing, like the funk, the blues, the depression, call it what you want to call it. So many times we...

have this perception, forced expectations, it's been tradition, what like again you can label this so many different things, that it's just supposed to be this joyous, amazing, frolicking, and by the way maybe back in like the 30s? Sure, easy. 40s?

No problem. Heck, 50s and 60s, maybe it was the most wonderful time. Have you been to Walmart lately during the holiday season? Anyway, I try not to go there. But here's, I'm gonna go into this thing like, there is another side of this, right? And so like if I bring up like the 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, Dean Martin, like he's pretty famous guy and he sings a lot of Christmas songs. Winter Wonderland.

Liz Moorehead (02:13.278)
I try... No.

George B. Thomas (02:34.505)
Let It Snow, Marshmallow World, Silver Bells. But did you know that Dean Martin also has a song called The Christmas Blues? And it's so interesting because I dove into the lyrics of this Dean Martin song called The Christmas Blues, and it goes like this. The jingle bells are jingling. The streets are white with snow. The happy crowds are mingling.

Liz Moorehead (02:34.602)
Marshmallow World.

Liz Moorehead (02:47.831)
What?

George B. Thomas (03:03.661)
But there's no one that I know.

I'm sure that you'll forgive me if I do not enthuse, I guess I've got the Christmas blues. I've done my window shopping, there's not a store I've missed, but what's the use of stopping when there's no one on your list? You'll know the way I'm feeling when you love and you lose, I guess I've got the Christmas blues. When somebody wants you, somebody needs you.

Christmas is a joy of joy. But friends, when you're lonely, you'll find that it's only a thing for little girls and little boys. May all your days be merry. Your season's full of cheer. But till it's January, I'll just go and disappear. And I'm like, this is like the best song.

to lead into this conversation that we're having because my mind, and by the way, like there's, there is a precipice to why I said, Liz, we got to do an episode on this. But I listened to that song and I think about historical conversations that I'm having with people and I'm left wondering, how many listeners out there feel like their Christmas orphans?

Liz Moorehead (04:33.312)
I mean, I do.

George B. Thomas (04:34.889)
Yeah. Right? And so I don't I, I think it's more than we actually stop to think about, because I feel like there's this really weird thing that happens in this season that we're moving into and going to be through quite quickly. That instead of opening up in ways that we should, we actually kind of put blinders on.

Liz Moorehead (04:38.132)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (05:04.381)
and try to only see the joy. Only see the happiness. Anyway, anyway.

Liz Moorehead (05:18.326)
Well, do you struggle with seasonal emotional funk this time of year during the holidays? And honestly, I would say going into the remaining months of winter, because I don't think a lot of people realize winter didn't start until the 21st. We've been in fall mode, and winter is only just beginning.

George B. Thomas (05:35.189)
Yeah, which I love fall by the way. Colorful leaves, temperatures are pretty dope. Winter gets a little funky for me. I don't really like the cold weather anymore. Here's the funny part, Liz. I used to have more problems with this when I lived in Ohio, because it was so cloudy and gray and cold and like I.

Although snow, there's this magical thing about snow in the season. Like, and I just think that's because we're all told from birth that it's like, oh, wait, Christmas. North Carolina, we don't really get much snow. And if we do, it's like here for a day gone tomorrow type thing. But to answer your question, to be honest with you, it depends. Like some years I'll like feel totally joyful, totally festive.

And then other years, I've just found myself feeling like, what the heck? Like what is going on right now? Like I know what the world and everybody around me is telling me I should be feeling, but that is, that's not your boy right now. Like I'm not feeling it. And the, and the funny thing that this whole conversation that we're having today,

and this mindset that keeps running through my brain is predicated on this fact of like a feeling and like it's based off of a good year and that's bull crap. Like listen, I've had some bad years, I felt totally festive. Freaking best Christmas of all and it was like a crap year. But I've had some amazing years and it's just like hmm.

I maybe I maybe I just need to sit by the fire for a little bit because I'm not feeling it right and I know that I'm not the only one because it was let's rewind back to Thanksgiving and I was at a friend's house we did friends giving it was like a couple different groups of families that got together and we were out on the back porch and I looked at one of my friends and I said um hey are you feeling the season with my

George B. Thomas (07:48.673)
forced somewhat smile, anticipating by the way of like, holly jolly Christmas. But to which my friend said, mm, I'm trying. And I was like, ooh. The funny thing though is Liz, through that forced smile, I was trying too. Like I was trying to feel the season, but I wasn't feeling it. And.

To be honest with you, like, it made me sad for my friend, but it made me sad for me understanding that I was in this, like, pre-holiday funk and hadn't figured out why or how to kick it or where to go from there. And it's funny, my brain is transported back to when we were a kid or kids, right? Do you remember making those in school, those...

red and green paper ring countdown to the day of yeah as a kid like it was like let's count down to the day let's we're gonna wake up at five o'clock and we're gonna open it's a now if we were to create those red and green rings it'd probably be a countdown to like February 1st when the frick is it over

Liz Moorehead (08:47.678)
Yeah, I loved those. Mm-hmm.

George B. Thomas (09:12.646)
instead of a countdown to the day of, right? And there's a lot that comes along with that saying of like, children and the holidays, and adults and the holidays, and maybe what we've brought along for the journey as adults based on our childhood of the holidays.

Liz Moorehead (09:36.31)
Wow. You know, it's interesting. I relate quite a bit to some of what you heard from your friends. You know, how's the season going? Well, I'm trying. What's interesting, though, George, is I'll be and you don't you didn't know this going into today. My whole perspective on the holidays this year has radically shifted in the past 24 hours, radically. Because when we went into today's conversation,

George B. Thomas (10:00.684)
Oh.

Liz Moorehead (10:07.024)
to talk from the perspective of, I do feel like a Christmas orphan, this sucks, I got a divorce earlier this year, I'm living in a short-term rental in downtown New Haven, while all of my belongings, including three Christmas trees, yes, three, are in store, are in store, I am. Well, here's what's interesting about it.

George B. Thomas (10:13.666)
Hmm

George B. Thomas (10:16.77)
Mmm

George B. Thomas (10:22.081)
Wow, you're that person typically. That's nice.

Liz Moorehead (10:28.702)
All of it because all of my stuff is in storage in Edgewater, Maryland, four and a half hours away because that was where my old house was and it was the best place to put my stuff at the time.

And I knew this year was going to be tough because what's fascinating about it is that, I've talked a bit about my challenging upbringing on a few episodes on this show, but as you grow into adulthood, you realize that the stories of our families are not black and white. Even people who from the outside might consider the villains of your story, it's like, did I have a very complex relationship with my mother? Yes. But do you know what the best memories I have growing up are?

George B. Thomas (10:56.514)
Hmm.

Liz Moorehead (11:09.296)
She went out of her way to make sure that every Christmas was special. It didn't necessarily mean I was being spoiled with a thousand presents, but it was it's the time I remember feeling the most connected with my family. So as I've gotten older, even though I don't have kids, Christmas is a time where I nest. It's where I decorate. It's where I look around and maybe I can't believe I'm saying this as a Yankee. I know we have a couple of shared clients from the South.

like, is this Yankee about to be not cynical? Yes, yes I am. One of the things I do love about this season is that even though it's overly commercialized and companies are just trying to get you to spend money with them, it's in service of this idea of being kinder to other people and showing and telling people that you love them regardless as to how, whether or not you're related to them. So when I was going into this year, knowing that all of my stuff was packed away in a storage unit, that I'm not in a giant house

George B. Thomas (11:39.235)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (12:08.816)
was last year with dogs in a big backyard and a husband and a perfect life on paper. I'm in a tiny room that I'm renting out in a house. I decided I'm just not going to do Christmas this year. And here's what was interesting about it. I realized I was being the coal in the story you told a long time ago, where you had spoken to someone

George B. Thomas (12:22.001)
Oh.

Liz Moorehead (12:37.822)
about what happens to someone when they remove themselves from a community. You know, sometimes you need time away. You need to be the coal that's not directly in the heat of the fire. But at some point, if you are a little lump of coal who stays out of lip too far too long, you get cold, you get lonely. You're removing yourself from your own group of people. So what's interesting is that a friend of mine sent me a tiny Christmas tree. I'm like, what? And it's this little tiny tree.

And then my friend said, hey, are you coming over for Christmas Eve? We'd love to have you. Hey, we'd love to have you come over on Christmas day. But what's interesting about that is that that's not what happened in the past 24 hours. What happened in the past 24 hours is that I realized I had been telling myself a story of being an orphan.

George B. Thomas (13:13.984)
Hmm

George B. Thomas (13:31.725)
Mmm.

Liz Moorehead (13:36.766)
So I'm in an interesting spot where is this the ideal Christmas? No, but I don't feel like I'm missing anything. And this is where I think we start getting into the next question I want to talk about, which is this pressure to feel a particular way.

Liz Moorehead (13:54.938)
Once I stopped trying to editorialize my own feelings about the holiday and just said, hey, I don't have to be totally into it this year. I don't have to judge myself for not having a massive production or a home or like, sometimes, hey, why don't I just give myself a little high five for making it to the end of this year in one freaking piece? Like that is a gift I can give to myself. So I'd be curious to hear from you, George,

was not something I was expecting. I was expecting to show you that I'm so sad. It's so... it's lonelier than usual, but next year will be fine and this year if I allow it to be what it is, I might find more joy than I expected.

George B. Thomas (14:41.101)
Oh, oh. Sss, ah man.

Liz Moorehead (14:41.406)
So let's talk about it. What would you say to, would you say folks feel more pressure to get into the holiday spirit to be more goal oriented around this time of year?

George B. Thomas (14:49.441)
Well, yeah, but first of all, let's unpack a couple things because that was spicy right there like Give it the room to allow it to be what it is I want people to put that in their brain packing away for the journey that we're gonna keep having on this episode But Liz you said the magic word

Liz Moorehead (14:52.75)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (15:14.325)
that just can't like when I saw this question came pounding the front of my brain and that is this idea of You have to get in the holiday spirit because if not Two things are going to happen Others are going to judge you and then you're going to judge yourself And now all of a sudden you've created this like Reciprocal cycle of chaos in your brain to the fact that you don't feel like singing freaking jingle bells

Or you don't want to sit down and make Christmas cookies. Or you don't want to, like you don't want to do some things that tradition, that history, that the media, that your friends, family, and everybody else on the planet have told you this has to happen. So there's a massive dose of like self judgment and being judged just because you didn't wear an ugly sweater to work or a fricking elf hat.

What? Like, and if we just stop for a second. And what I love about what you were saying is like what came like flying in was like, yes, Liz freed herself. Liz freed herself from the jail of judgment.

from herself and from others, right? And so, yeah, I feel like we have this pressure that is put on us. Some of it's because people in higher places want us to spend money that we don't have to create stress that makes us wanna just go out and be like, this sucks. Like, it's so modernized and commoditized and, like,

Liz Moorehead (16:56.318)
What I find interesting about it too though...

George B. Thomas (17:02.805)
It's transactional, right? And so if we're leaning into that, that's where I think we end up getting an issue. You were gonna say something though.

Liz Moorehead (17:12.094)
Yeah, and what I find interesting about it too is that you just said something there that triggered something obviously, which is this idea of, I think we're very used to, I think...

what happens is that we will have this expectation in our head of what our perfect Christmas looks like. We listen to the same albums, we watch the same movies, we do very specific things. And so what I found this year is like, once I kind of gave myself permission to just feel the feels, because I think that's something that's really important too. If you're having a down and out year, it's not a crime to feel the feelings of having a down and out year. But here's what's funny. So normally I'm the girl who like, I don't care how bad they are. I watch the Hallmark Christmas movies.

Christmas joy playlist on Spotify that I have listened to and been curating for the past 12 years. I haven't done either of those two things. I haven't baked. I haven't done anything. But do you know what I've done this year? I've watched Die Hard. I've watched Die Hard 2. I've started finding kind of like fun and weird ways to get into the holiday spirit that are a little bit more non-traditional. And now I'm like, oh, I'm creating new memories. I'm creating new ways of celebrating that if I had been stuck in my head about Christmas

must look this way and if I'm not listening to this playlist am I even really celebrating? And if I'm not going to this store and doing this thing on this day? Like once I stopped being a control freak about my own Christmas experience I realized another Christmas experience started leaking in.

George B. Thomas (18:40.105)
Ooh, ooh, so first of all, so much good there to unpack. One, control and controlling the season and controlling your reason for the season instead of just the reason. But also, I wanna dive into this idea. The narrative that we tell ourself, the words that we use, you said non-traditional. No, no, no. New tradition. A new tradition. Because here's the thing, the reason that we always play that playlist,

Liz Moorehead (18:46.952)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Moorehead (19:04.434)
Ooh.

George B. Thomas (19:09.185)
The reason that we always drink that eggnog, the reason that we always bake those cookies is because Papa and Mama did. See, the problem with this whole holiday thing sometimes is it is the 30 or so days that we are so focused on the past that we lose the now and forget about the future.

Liz Moorehead (19:30.398)
Whoa.

George B. Thomas (19:34.761)
And the hope and the joy and the blessings are in the now and in the future. But we're so focused on what we did with our parents and what we did as kids and what has happened every year for the last. Listen, right now, if you're just like this year sucks. This, I can't get into the season. Make new traditions, leave the past, be in the now, focus on what you're going to do.

in these times for you. I'll get into that. For you, for your family in the future.

Liz Moorehead (20:15.918)
I love everything you just said there, particularly because I'm now realizing, although I don't know why it took me this long, and you're probably gonna be like, Liz, this is my surprised face while you make no expression at all. I think I'm kind of realizing how much I was trying to control and live in the past. And maybe that's why we're always setting ourselves a little bit for disappointment. If you're constantly in the business of quote unquote, creating new memories, but all you're really trying to do is basically do like a civil war reenactment of the past,

move forward? Can you ever actually be happy? Is something always going to feel like it's missing because you are always going to be doing a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy?

George B. Thomas (20:55.265)
Listen, we've all watched the movie. We've all watched Groundhog Day or some version of Groundhog Day. How is that day that you've done 32 times gonna be any types of special? Like you already know the punchline. You know the ending of the story. You know the feel before the feel gets there so you don't get the feels that it originally gave you.

Liz Moorehead (21:17.954)
So let me ask you this, you've spoken a bit about the conversations you've had with other folks and you've alluded to the fact that you've had some years where you're just like, you're just not feeling it, right? So how do you navigate that from an emotional perspective?

George B. Thomas (21:35.561)
Yeah, um...

So, so first of all, I'm, when I, this one's difficult, I'm gonna think on it. I saw this question in preparation for today and immediately was like, oh no.

Liz Moorehead (22:00.798)
Yeah, because I explicitly told you couldn't give advice. You had to talk about your fee fees.

George B. Thomas (22:04.977)
Yeah, yeah, and I'm like, oh no. And it literally stopped me in my tracks, but then what's funny is when I started to put pen to paper or keyboard to Google Doc, in my case, I was quite surprised at how fast what I naturally do float onto the page. And then I sat and looked at it and was like, huh. So.

How do I navigate a holiday season and feeling like it's like the stormiest of ocean storms ever and I'm afraid that my ship is going to sink? The first thing I do honestly is I try to slow down.

Because if you think of the holiday season, the word frantic comes to mind. I jokingly said, have you been to Walmart? By the way, no offense, Walmart, if you're a Walmart employee or own Walmart and listening to this by some strange stretch of the imagination, it's frantic. Like there's Brown Thursday, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, special, special. Like, come on, like, holy crap.

And there's more people out than ever. And you're like, like I've seen grown grandmas punch people for a fricking like cart hoy. And it's like, anyway, so one of the things I do is I just try to slow down and breathe. Like literally, this is where many of the times where I've like not had a bad day and done breathing exercises. I think it's all in like.

practicing for the holiday season, when I really need to use the breathing exercises and just slow myself down. And I almost, when I go shopping now, I almost feel like I put this invisible force field up to like my left, right and behind me, but I keep the front open because I wanna actually be the kind person in the room. Like I'm gonna be the one that over indexes on thank yous and have a nice day and, cause that they're not really getting that.

George B. Thomas (24:13.849)
from a lot of people, right? So just slow yourself down, even almost sink more into just being that happy, helpful, humble human that you know you always are and not letting the seasons sweep you away into what it seems like it might be. The other thing is, Liz, it's funny that you used the word control because the next thing that I jotted down was I try to let go. I just try to let go.

I try not to control it, but more importantly, I try not to fight the feeling of the fact that I'm in the funk. Like, I just embrace it. Like, it is what it is, and I'm gonna let it, I'm gonna entertain it. I'm gonna think about it. I'm gonna, you know, I'm sure I'll get past it, but I don't hold on to it and wrestle with it and battle with it. Because, like, if I'm holding on to it and wrestling it, how's it ever gonna really go away? Like, if I let go of it, then it can disappear.

The other thing that I jotted down is I try to lean into gratitude, right? So I reflect on the 11 months versus the 30 days. Like, okay, let's get the pen out. Let's write all the good things that have happened in this past 11 months. Let's get the pen out and let's be happy for all the things that are about to come. And I like to also try to transport myself into the now. It's real hard for me.

to not think about like, Christmases with my grandparents, or Christmases with my parents. Especially now that we live in North Carolina and like, that doesn't happen. Like we have our family, which I love and adore, and we go over and we hang out with friends, but it's not that 40s, 50s, 60s, you know, postcard Christmas.

three or four generations sitting around by the Yuletide and sipping eggnog. Like it's, but I try to put myself in now instead of those past memories. And then this one is a little bit harder. I try to reimagine or realign my expectations. Like, do I really need to get this much stuff? Do I need anything? Do they really? Like you mentioned the word spoiled.

George B. Thomas (26:38.837)
And my brain goes to like, you don't have to be spoiled to feel special. Like we've had some of the simplest Christmases and that's where my kids will talk about like, Oh, do you remember that year when we didn't have shit under the tree? Like, you know, and it's like, Oh, how, how is that the year that you remember? But we are over indexing on actually what matters. Like the fact that we were together and we loved each other and that versus like the actual physical giving of the gifts.

And Liz, if none of those work, by the way, if that whole list, my go-to, where I'm like, man, I'm really up the creek without a paddle here, I just go buy a carton of eggnog, put a little brandy in it, sit back and watch the fire, turn the tunes on, and hope for the best.

Liz Moorehead (27:23.403)
Yes.

Liz Moorehead (27:26.91)
You know, it's interesting. There's only one I would add to that list, which is the thing I did for myself this year. And that's, first of all, are you being honest with yourself about why you're upset this season?

George B. Thomas (27:44.877)
Yes.

Liz Moorehead (27:45.182)
So what was fascinating is that for a while there, I had this just deep existential dread going into this Christmas. And on the surface level, I was able to superficially say, well, it's not gonna be the same. It's going to be like, all of my decorations are in boxes in a different state, and I don't have anybody to celebrate with, and I am divorced, and this sucks, and boo-hoo, pity, pity. And to be honest,

Those feelings aren't invalid. And those feelings were truthful. But when I sat down and I was finally honest with myself and I said, Liz, why are you actually upset? And that's when my little inner cupcake, which is what I call my intuition, because I know some people are like, it's divine, it's secular, it doesn't, I don't know. It's a baked good that lives in my stomach area that occasionally tells me what it is that I'm actually feeling. And it's great. And my little inner cupcake said,

You're not actually unhappy about having an off year. You're worried you're never gonna have another big Christmas again. And that was what I found really fascinating. That's where I started referring back to that story about the piece of coal. You take a piece of coal away from all of the other lumps, eventually it's gonna go cold, it's gonna feel detached and disconnected from its community. The fire is gonna go out, right?

And that's when I realized it wasn't necessarily that I was annoyed with the season. I was trying to avoid feeling that existential fear of what if all of my best Christmases are now behind me? Because this year I decided to bet on myself. Like the reason I went through a divorce is because I made the decision to want better for myself and for my ex-partner. You know what I mean?

I knew it was the right thing to do. I, in March, intentionally detonated an on-paper perfect life. Like I am here because I made this choice. I bet on myself. And it's that little weird moment of what if I bet wrong? I know I didn't. Here's the thing. I know I didn't. And once I allowed myself to feel that feeling and be honest with myself about what I was afraid of, I said, you know what, Liz?

Liz Moorehead (30:01.342)
Your Christmases will be different going forward, but it is your choice as to whether or not they will be inclusive, community-oriented, bold, warm, whatever it is. You have the ability to paint your own masterpiece here, but you're also allowed to just take a year off. And once I did that, once I separated it and realized it was the fear, I realized I actually didn't have a problem with having a quiet year.

I don't have to decorate anything. I don't have to cook anything. I asked both my friends for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, hey, do you need me to do anything? No, just bring yourself. Fantastic, I'm gonna go pick up some cannoli and I'll see you there. Like, that's great.

George B. Thomas (30:39.189)
You you are knocking on the door like simplifying the complex. That's the thing I think sometimes we make Christmas the holiday seasons too dang complex But Liz I want to rewind because you said something at the beginning of that where you're like this is going to suck Right and you're in the mind frame of because I did this and this is going to suck And here's the thing that I've learned about life if you think it's gonna suck It's gonna suck

Liz Moorehead (30:48.924)
Mm-hmm.

George B. Thomas (31:09.141)
It just is. And so literally, there's something I do every day, and I've started this after the starting of this podcast, because I think we're just preaching to ourselves so many times. The first things I say to myself in the morning now is, today's going to be a good day. Today's going to be a good day. Because if I believe it, if I think it, if I move in that motion,

then guess what? Today's gonna be a good day. Are there gonna be some bumps along the way? Yeah, but guess what? Today's gonna be a good day. And so getting out of this mind frame of pre-selecting how you're going to feel or what is going to happen. And there's a pretty cool Jules Renard quote, by the way, that I think goes with this, like it's gonna suck so it's gonna suck, or today's gonna be a good day because it's gonna be a good day.

And as Jules Renard said, everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you, but you have to take action to get it. I want today to be a good day. I'm going to take action for today to be a good day. I want my holiday season to not be stressful, complicated and suck. I'm going to take action to simplify it. To make it.

happy to reframe the brain to get into like whatever it is for you that you're picking up that we're laying down on this episode, right? Like that's where I think people can take this episode and do a pivot shift for this holiday and future holiday seasons. Because by the way, I think this bad boy right here could be timeless. You might just listen to this every November 7th of the year.

to like get yourself ready. You know, it's like when we're, you know, it's like the Rocky theme before you're like actually gonna get in a fight when you're in school. You're like, listen to the theme, and like this might be your theme for like the holiday season moving forward.

Liz Moorehead (33:17.734)
You know, it's funny too, you just reminded me of the fact that I think we also don't know in the moment when we're creating really great memories. We don't know what they're going to look like. Think about what your kids said, like, that's the Christmas they think about. That's the Christmas they romanticize. I'm going to remember this year as the year that I made a hundred tiny meatballs in my bedroom on Thanksgiving morning because myself and my roommate and another person through

George B. Thomas (33:29.913)
Yes.

George B. Thomas (33:36.26)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (33:47.568)
too much traffic in the kitchen. So I'm like, you know, I'm just going to take this big mixing bowl upstairs and like this giant baking tray. And now this is the year that I made it the best batch of Italian wedding soup with meatballs that began in my bedroom. Like that's hilarious to me. That's ridiculous to me. And I think again, it's about allowing the season to be what it is, but I think also being okay with the fact that like, I want to be very careful with our listeners here and say, you know, just because I've had this epiphany doesn't mean that I'm not going to wake up on

George B. Thomas (33:59.29)
Oooo

Liz Moorehead (34:17.328)
Christmas morning and be really bummed out that I'm alone. You know, like that's the thing. That's okay though. That's okay. You don't have to be perfect all the time. What if we be curious? Oh, go ahead, George. What were you gonna say?

George B. Thomas (34:19.219)
Oh, right.

George B. Thomas (34:25.381)
Here. Well, here's the thing though. Here's the thing. And I'm gonna be funny for a second, so here we go. Just one second. If you wake up on Christmas, just make sure you have some of that wedding soup available. Because by the way, wedding soup makes everything better. Like when you were mentioning the tiny meatballs and the wedding soup, you transported me to years ago. Years ago where...

Liz Moorehead (34:32.534)
Just one second. Okay.

George B. Thomas (34:52.729)
There was this Sicilian family that I knew and they made this homemade wedding soup and I swear to God It was like the nectar of the gods like anyway, not why we're here. But yes listeners. I love me Oh my listeners. I love me some wedding soup. I'm just gonna throw that out there

Liz Moorehead (35:03.263)
It's the superior soup.

Liz Moorehead (35:09.974)
love it. Okay, so I know we still want to talk about New Year's here. But before we move on to New Year's, because I know you and I both have lots of thoughts on the New Year's industrial complex, as I like to call it. But if someone is struggling with feeling overwhelmed by the holiday season right now, before we trip face first into New Year's, what are some now you don't have to talk about your feelings anymore, George, you are now welcome to give advice. What advice would you give them?

George B. Thomas (35:19.265)
Yeah. Hmm.

George B. Thomas (35:37.249)
Yeah. Yeah, I want to keep it simple, right? Because if it becomes too complex, then it's something we can't use. And so I think there's four things that I want to mention here. One is just taking the time to connect with your why. And what I'm going to say here is I'm not talking about like, you'll hear some punchy lines of like, the reason for the season and and, you know, it is a Christian holiday, by the way, which

fundamentally and probably a whole nother thing that we could talk about but the fact that there are a lot of cultures out there that might think that they're going to be discriminated against because it's actually a Christian holiday like makes me freaking sad. So that's not what I'm talking about when I say the why here. I'm literally saying like no your why. Whatever your why for this season is.

then connect with that. Like don't lose sight of it based on everything else that the people, friends, family, world, media is throwing at you. Why? Why do you take this as a time of reflection? Why do you take this as a time of goals? Why do you take, like, what's your why? Especially moving forward, like, anyway. Second thing I'll say here is reframe your expectations.

George B. Thomas (36:58.977)
You mentioned the freaking Hallmark channel. While I'll sit and watch the Hallmark Christmas movies with my wife, I will, I will do that. I do it under the, yeah, I do it in the complete understanding of that it is fake. It is fake. And so many people will watch that and they'll wanna transport themselves into this unrealistic reality that never...

Liz Moorehead (37:09.102)
I'm so sorry.

George B. Thomas (37:23.369)
Actually, like just to the left or to the right, do you know there's lights and extension cords because it's a set. It's a set. It's fake. Nobody's life is ever nobody's life. Nobody's life is nobody's life is ever going to be the freaking Hallmark channel Christmas channel. So, sure, enjoy them, bask in them, but realize there's like dirty rugs, electrical cords and a guy named Joe dish out coffee to people because he's like an intern.

Liz Moorehead (37:32.138)
Why you gotta do that? Why you gotta do that to me, George? Why you gotta do that?

George B. Thomas (37:51.969)
Listen to me, reframe your expectations of what you really think it should be, could be, and needs to be for you and yours. The other one is simplify your to-do list. Holy bejesus, we've got to go to this place, that place, this place over here. We've got to bake this, cook this, do that. We've got to get these presents here, get that store over there. Oh, this place has this, that I'm getting tired just thinking about all the things people think that they need to do. So simplify your to-do list during the season. And then here's the one that I'll say.

Take time for yourself. Give yourself the gift of you. Like allow you to be you, allow you to have a break, allow you to take some time to get away from it all, and just, again, I could bring up that trunk of a tree. This time it would be a pine tree though, which might actually not be comfortable to lean against. But the point is, like take time for yourself. So connect with your why.

Reframe your expectations, simplify your to-do list, and take time for yourself during the holiday season.

Liz Moorehead (38:58.642)
other than the slanderous accugations against Hallmark Channel movies. I agree with everything you just said. Moving on. Okay.

George B. Thomas (39:01.775)
Hahaha.

George B. Thomas (39:07.573)
Well, we might get hate mail from Joe the intern, but we'll see.

Liz Moorehead (39:11.794)
I know, poor Joe the intern. You know what Joe, I hope you know you're my reason for the season. I appreciate you. Thank you for making Vancouver in July somehow look like Connecticut, New York, Michigan, and other various small towns across the country in December. You are doing the Lord's work. Anyway, let's talk about New Year's resolutions. This is one of the things you and I bonded about very early on. We both have beef.

But I would like to understand what your particular flavor of beef is with New Year's resolutions. Because what's interesting about this is that you're a goal-oriented guy. You are someone who strives to be 1% better every day. Like we literally, we're literally talking on a podcast right now about personal growth and development, and we are both people who look at New Year's resolutions and it's in its stereotypical form and go, no. No, thank you. So talk to me about that.

George B. Thomas (40:04.385)
Yeah. No, I mean, it's stupid. It's just stupid. Like there is nothing special about January 1st. Like you're right, I am goal-oriented. I'm goal-oriented 365 days a year. Like this idea of that I'm gonna start something new because it's a new year to me, it just feels stupid. And it's so based on like...

the things that are happening around us more times than the things that need to come out from us. Now what I mean by that is like I dug into some of the stats. I'm not usually a stats kind of guy, Liz, but most popular New Year's resolution for like a recent 2024 poll, fitness. Okay, interesting. 2023, physical health. Okay, so fitness.

2022 Mental Health.

What changed? Well, what had the world just gone through? So why was that people's New Year's resolution? Because the world had fallen and now they wanted to figure out how to fix their brain about it. Right. Like 2022 is right. Anyway, I'm not going to name what it was, but here's the thing. Like if we even dig in deeper and we think about what goals are people setting and by the way, if you're listening to this and you set some of these goals or this is your New Year's resolution, I'm not hating on you. I'm just saying.

2024, remember that poll? Back to that poll. Improved fitness, 48% of people said improve fitness. Improved finances, 38% of people said improve finances. Improved mental health, 36% of people said improve mental health. Lose weight, 34% of people said lose weight. Improved diet, which by the way improved like.

George B. Thomas (42:01.401)
fitness and diet to me kind of go hand in hand, 32% of people. And so the idea here is, think about that, right? Remember, improve fitness, improve finances, improve mental health, lose weight, improve diet. Three of those are about like physical things in your life. Now, the less popular resolutions include

Traveling more. Okay, cool. Six percent. This is where it gets interesting to me meditating regularly five percent drinking less alcohol three percent performing better at work three percent and I look at that and I think about the meditating regularly and I think about the drinking less alcohol and the performing better at work and I'm like

Listen, if maybe if you did more of these things, the other things might not be as difficult. And would they need to be the resolutions at that time?

Like.

Many times, you find yourself in the camp of setting lofty goals for the new year, only to find you're like falling off the wagon. And that's the thing. What really got me and what was funny to me is this idea of... There's actually days, by the way. There's days mentioned.

George B. Thomas (43:47.457)
when you fall off your New Year's resolution, unofficial days, by the way, called Ditch New Year's Resolution Day, January 17th. And while others kind of lean into something else, another kind of what I'll call fictional day, but the second Friday of January is called Quitters Day. And so you've got all these people who have these goals.

percentage of people at least by the way if there's only 48 percent there's another percentage that anyway, they're setting these goals and then there's these easy outs on the other side of it and so this idea of first of the year this idea of Only at this time instead of thinking about it 365 days a year that's where I just kind of go crazy

Liz Moorehead (44:41.083)
Hi.

George B. Thomas (44:41.629)
Hi. By the way, I just finished my whole piece. I kept going. So you can really come back into how would you encourage folks who struggle? Or if you have something that you want to say about the why you hate. No, I actually start with that. Be like, maybe it's like, hey, I hear everything you said and here's why I struggle with it. Let's do that.

Liz Moorehead (44:46.557)
Okay, so.

Liz Moorehead (45:03.565)
Yeah, I actually, I have an alternative take on New Year's, which I think is really helpful too. Okay. Cause these are all, I remember these stats. Yeah.

George B. Thomas (45:07.261)
Okay, beautiful. So Seth, you'll cut for mine and you'll now go into Liz's rebuttal to that. Well, actually I'll do this. I'll make it real easy. So Liz, now that I'll get off my soapbox about my New Year's resolution theories and issues, what are your thoughts?

Liz Moorehead (45:31.245)
I agree with a lot of what you said, that January 1st is an arbitrary day. And I think sometimes what we'll get hung up on is our ability to make these massive life changes based on the switching of a single calendar day.

But when I think about, we did an episode at the very beginning of our Beyond Your Default journey, which I would encourage people to go back and listen to if they haven't already, which is identifying the starting lines in your life, but also the ending points, the finish lines. And I think my relationship with New Year's radically changed when I stopped looking at January 1st as the...

day in which I unsuck all of the failures of the previous year and take a moment and look back behind my shoulder and go, damn girl, look what you did this year. Now how are we going to build on that? How are we going to keep going forward? There is a part of me that mentally likes having a day where it's like, cool. So we're starting back, everybody's starting at the same starting line again. And I like that part of it. But I agree with you. There's this, there's this.

George B. Thomas (46:25.603)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (46:43.999)
Completely forget that like it is impossible for anybody to change all of their habits all at once at the exact same time That's not how any of this works Psychologically, we are programmed to resist change. We are creatures of habit because it keeps us safe, right? So this idea that all of a sudden you're gonna change how you eat how you dress whether you smoke whether you don't smoke How much you work out all of these different things?

No, I just like having a new month where I get to kind of have that fresh start. But one of the, but going back to that idea of celebrating the finish line, I think we forget to do that. We have all this buildup to dreading the new year and dreading the new year. Well, how about just taking a moment and saying, you know what? I got to the end of this year in one piece, maybe a little bit dinged up. Maybe, maybe some things didn't go exactly as planned, but what were some of,

celebrate this finish line. Because then it's less about rewriting our story of who we are because we're such fundamentally flawed failures that we're not good enough in our current form. Instead, you're looking ahead to a new year and thinking about how do I build upon the great things I'm already doing.

That's my thought.

George B. Thomas (48:03.697)
So, so good. There's, hmm. The thing of like, how can I unsuck the rest, the previous part of my life? I love that. And it's funny because on my whiteboard behind me on the daily basis, there's a saying that says, you've come a long way since 2013. And it's my constant reminder of like, you're doing good.

Liz Moorehead (48:31.185)
Mm-hmm.

George B. Thomas (48:32.241)
You're doing good. And listeners, I would ask you, like what is your daily reminder that you're doing good? That you're headed in the right direction? That you've taken a step today to get to where you need to go? Like, if you don't have that, that's one of the things I would immediately put in place somewhere where you can visually see it.

Liz Moorehead (48:51.777)
I love that. And that's something I've had to do at multiple points this time this year, and it ties back into our conversation about the holidays and Christmas. Am I in my picture perfect space? Is this what I ideally want my life to look like? No, but I'm in the middle of a chapter, in the middle of a big story. And I've had to remind myself of, man, some of the phone calls you and I had earlier this year when I thought the sky was falling and things were... My life was literally on fire.

And I start reminding myself, like every single day, it's gotten a little bit better. Every single day, you still made the choice to get up and keep going and keep running at the wall and keep climbing and keep trying. And that is something to be celebrated. And I'm convinced that every single person listening to this right now may have some version of that from this year, right? They may have some version of, this is not where I wanna be. Maybe that's in big ways, maybe that's in little ways.

have you taken a look at how far you've come in the past month, two months, six months since this time last year, how have you grown? How have you changed? How have you improved? I mean, by virtue of the fact that you're even listening to this right now, you are someone who is at least hardwired in some way to keep growing. Like when I was thinking about the things that I was grateful for this morning, cause I have a morning gratitude practice and I, I was, I talked about being grateful for people, friends.

You know what? I'm grateful for me because maybe it borders on mental illness, but there is something about me where I am hardwired to not stay down. Like I will take a hit. I will not always make the right choices, but for some reason I will always get back up and I will keep going. And that is something to be grateful for. Again.

George B. Thomas (50:31.752)
Mmm.

George B. Thomas (50:40.553)
Yeah. Ooh, preach. Like, listen, if that's mental illness, I got it too. I'm diagnosed. You can hit me as hard as you want. This boy is going to get back up and go after it again. And I think that's just, you know, that's something that to me, when I look at people who have that in their life, it's a superpower, but Liz, I think like we might've hit a rewind point in this podcast, meaning

Liz, you went through like a multitude of questions and things to think about. Ladies and gentlemen, you might want to rewind this podcast, pause it, find that base of a tree, sit against it and just listen to that part again with your journal and just start writing some stuff down for yourself. That was, I was listening to that going, I'm going to need a minute after this episode, like I need to go listen to what Liz just said.

Liz Moorehead (51:32.073)
Oh, thanks bud. Well, let me ask you this.

Just like with the holidays, there are folks out there right now struggling with this concept of a new year. Now they may be struggling with it in a number of different ways. There are folks who maybe don't resonate with the idea of, you know, I have sadness over the holidays. I actually have friends who start feeling depressed at the beginning of the year because the holidays are over. All of a sudden, the only thing we have to look forward to are the Super Bowl and taxes. You know what I mean? Like, it's about to be a drought of celebration and feeling.

George B. Thomas (52:01.669)
Mmmm

Liz Moorehead (52:07.027)
or whatever, but we have a lot of folks who have complicated feelings about the new year, whether it's about resolutions, whether it's about reflecting on the year that was, whether it's about the holiday season passing. How would you encourage people to move forward into the new year, whether it's resolutions or goal-setting? That kind of stuff is overwhelming and daunting.

George B. Thomas (52:08.278)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (52:28.817)
Yeah. Boy, I sure do love me some taxes, though, man. I get it. No, I'm just kidding. Nobody ever said that ever. Yeah. Nobody ever said that. So it's funny, Liz. I literally had like I'll call it an epiphany moment in that last section when you're going, because I think I just tied something together in my historical database to why I actually might hate New Year's.

Liz Moorehead (52:36.488)
What is wrong with you?

George B. Thomas (52:58.057)
resolutions. And that is I'll never forget. And it was my dad that said, today's the first day of the rest of your life. And I mean, I heard it all the time, all the time, like, Hey, morning sunshine. Remember today's the first day of the rest of your life. And I feel like that's so ingrained.

that every day is the first day. And Liz, you said, you kind of like this idea of a new month and it can be a fresh and a new. And what I would encourage folks to do, because if you're getting stressed over like, I'm gonna say this and then I'm gonna screw it up and then I'm gonna feel bad about myself and I'm gonna, by the way, full circle judge myself. And if I put it out to the world and I don't do it, then others are gonna judge me.

Literally what we talked about at the beginning of this podcast episode, Judgment, which might be a whole episode in itself in the future. But anyway, I would say break this bad boy down. What if every month was a new month, and you had a monthly goal that you were trying to achieve for that month? And so now let's just say your New Year's resolution, you were gonna say, I'm going to...

Which by the way, you're gonna say, I'm gonna lose weight. It's not a freaking goal, it's a dream. How much weight, in what timeframe? Now also that's a goal. Like you have to have these like different metrics to actually turn it into a goal. But instead of it being like, I'm gonna lose a hundred pounds in 2024. What if it was like, okay, goal for January, January resolution if you will, I'm gonna lose seven pounds in the next 30 days. February, guess what? February resolution.

I'm going to lose 8 pounds in February. March res... Okay, I'm not going to go through the whole calendar, ladies and gentlemen. You get my point. Like, every month could be a resolution or a goal for that month. What this does is it starts to allow you to train your brain and actually hit these goals and feel the dopamine of success instead of the freaking...

George B. Thomas (55:12.365)
terror of like not being able to do it and being judged. So break this into like monthly goals and then maybe try to embrace this idea of every day that you wake up, it's a gift and from this day forward today is the first day of the rest of your life What are you gonna do with it?

That's it. That's what I would encourage them to do moving forward.

Liz Moorehead (55:39.025)
You know, I have to chime in about the weight thing, just because health is something that has been, as you know, a high priority of mine going into the end of this year. I turned 41 on October 26th. And one of the gifts I gave to myself is I'm gonna... I'm gonna...

George B. Thomas (55:51.829)
Young whippersnapper.

Liz Moorehead (55:57.641)
more energy into my health than into my sadness. That was, like, I kind of hit an inflection point of my own sadness. I'm like, I'm done with my sad girl siesta. Like, this has, this must all end for my godfather to focus out there. But what I find, what I might encourage people to do, if the, and again, I'm not some amazing big health expert here, if you have weight as a quote unquote symptom

George B. Thomas (56:11.841)
Mmm, yeah.

Liz Moorehead (56:27.455)
Like that is an output you want to see but you have not been someone who has brought working out or exercise or fitness Be careful about the numbers you put to it because you don't know how your body's gonna react Sometimes you're gonna have months where you lose a lot of weight Sometimes you're gonna have months where you don't use lose a lot and that could be a number of reasons water retention plateauing a thousand reasons But instead maybe just say I love what you said George about like taking it month by month

Maybe make January your month of I'm just gonna show up. It's less about the output of the weight lost and more about building the healthy habit. So I'm gonna show up to the gym three times a week and I don't care what I do for 30 minutes but I have to be there. And you're just starting to build the habit and then you can build on it. Because if you're trying to change your lifestyle, weight is a numerical goal. It's something that should be monitored. It is something you should be looking at but it gets a little dicey.

That's a down the rabbit hole kind of thing. But I love what you said there, George, about breaking it up into smaller chunks and smaller pieces. What's interesting is that when I think about how I think about New Year's resolutions is I actually think more about my priorities. All right, this is a great time to think about what it is that I want to focus on. So when I'm looking ahead to the New Year, I'm actually not setting a resolution of any kind like all of a sudden I'm going to eat healthier. No.

Liz Moorehead (57:56.895)
assessed my relationship with fitness and exercise earlier this year. And I'm going to start making slow incremental changes that I know will benefit me. Now there are other things, too, that I'm thinking about. I have some things where I want to have x number of meditation sessions in a particular month. I have x number of journaling days. I have a few things that I like to do as my daily and weekly practices that I'm continuing to monitor and foster.

But really it's about you've come a long way baby, now where do you wanna go?

George B. Thomas (58:31.249)
It's interesting, I'll just put one little dot on top of what you just said because we just did an episode on expectations. And for some reason it came rushing into my brain of like, you used the word priorities. Like it's a good thing and look at my priorities. And for some reason I asked myself mentally in the moment when you said that, Yes, but, but do my priorities align with my expectations of myself? Hmm. Something to think about.

Liz Moorehead (58:56.861)
Hmm. Do they? Well, let me ask you, do they?

George B. Thomas (59:00.546)
Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. I need to sit down at the base of that tree and figure out 2024 and my priorities and my expectations of myself. Because historically, I would say probably not, Liz. Resolutions are like, I'm going to just do this thing. Wee! And it has nothing to do with anything else that me as a human or what I'm trying to do other than that's like, sideways, maybe tangent, if you will. So it's something to think about.

Liz Moorehead (59:30.749)
Well, you bring up something really important there. Because if you decide to shift your priorities, but then you don't also adjust your expectations accordingly as a second step, then you're going to have a problem. And I don't care whether you call them priorities or resolutions or expectations or actions, whatever you want to call it. At some point, you are saying, I want to make a change.

George B. Thomas (59:43.705)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (59:55.629)
a change that may or may not have a particular outcome attached to it. Because for example, with meditation, I don't have a particular outcome attached to it, but I know I will reap the benefits of that particular practice if I stick with it, right?

The reality is though, is that if you don't sit down and say, okay, so what expectations of myself need to shift? Like what are things that are now acceptable versus unacceptable? You know, again, this is where I would encourage people to go back and listen to our episode about expectations. Cause it wasn't just about setting expectations for ourselves, there was a key word in there and that was healthy expectations. Understanding what are healthy expectations versus unhealthy expectations. Because...

George B. Thomas (01:00:29.251)
Yes.

Liz Moorehead (01:00:36.153)
You know, it is a great opportunity to, you know, say, hey, let's check in with my priorities. Let's check in with where I want to go, where I've been, all that fun stuff. But if you decide you want to make alterations from a goal perspective, from a priority perspective, and then you don't update the expectations you hold yourself to on a daily basis, that is going to be a wish, my friends.

George B. Thomas (01:00:57.298)
Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Fine.

Liz Moorehead (01:01:00.954)
So, George.

Liz Moorehead (01:01:04.609)
This is our last episode before we're in the holidays. As we record this, we are three days from Christmas morning, which, oh my God. Which means we're all, I know, we're a little over a week from New Year's, right? What thought do you wanna leave our listeners with?

George B. Thomas (01:01:07.96)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (01:01:12.115)
Me!

George B. Thomas (01:01:20.741)
I love that you always ask me questions to like exit us out of the episode. I'm not gonna let that happen this time. I mean I am gonna exit us out of the episode. But Liz, what do you want to share with the listeners?

Liz Moorehead (01:01:43.449)
I'm asking my inner cupcake one second.

Liz Moorehead (01:01:50.849)
I don't care how lonely you feel. I mean, I care if you feel lonely. It doesn't matter how lonely you feel, how lost you feel, how off center you feel.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be. You are right on time. Let this season be whatever it is supposed to be right now. You have no idea what memories you're creating. You have no idea what you're gonna be looking back and thinking at this period in your life. But I guarantee you, there's going to be a baby part of you that goes.

Man, if only I had been able to tell her to just pause in this moment and recognize, who knows, a memory you're creating, your deep reservoir of strength that you didn't realize that you had, the people around you who you are currently taking for granted, because I guarantee you, when we are feeling down on ourselves, one of our favorite things to do is to seek out evidence that we are alone.

Maybe there are people around you right now who you didn't expect to be there. Maybe there are people who aren't around you right now who broke your heart because they aren't. But you're here and George and I have got your back and we believe in you. And if you were to tell us the story of this year and how you got to the point of where you are right now, I guarantee you both George and I would be like, dang.

Aren't you a badass?

George B. Thomas (01:03:35.245)
Yeah, I'm so glad I asked that question. And here's the thing, I realize for some people you're going to be listening to this and it's going to be March 14th. And my hopes is that you would listen to this episode and use it for future holiday seasons. But if you're listening to this real moment, you're one of the OG listeners that are going down this journey with us as we release these. Here's what I would say, and by the way,

If you're listening this and it's past 2024, just change 2024 to whatever year it is. Because my message will stay the same. My hopes, my prayers for you as a listener is that you will make 2024 the year that you love yourself. That you'll make it the year that you get to know yourself. That you will use it as the year that you forgive yourself.

I hope that it's the year that you move yourself from where you've been stuck. At least onto the road you need to travel to live a life beyond the default. I too want you to know that we love you, we believe in you, and like Liz said, we're here in your corner, cheering you on the entire way. We know it, by the way. We know it!

We just need you to know it. And it's this simple thing. You got this.