I was at a friend’s house on Saturday, and my mandate for the evening was ambitious — make my famous stuffed shells for 13 happy, hungry kids (ranging from 2 years old to 15 years old) and 5 equally happy, hungry adults, yours truly included.

I love cooking for a crowd, particularly friends and family; it’s one of my favorite ways to say, “I love you.” Unfortunately, it’s something I very rarely get to do nowadays, so I was game for the challenge.

It didn’t take long for the whole endeavor to devolve into an epic, loud, multifamily dance party, spread across the entire open concept kitchen and living room, with every single child and adult wholeheartedly participating.

Was it a challenge to sing Pitbull and dance with a kiddo on my hip, while also trying to mix together the ricotta stuffing? Yes. And it was very messy, let’s not ask too many questions here. But then something funny happened.

As we were all dancing and singing along to “Nothing’s Going to Stop Us Now” by Starship, my friend and I looked at each other.

Then she said, “We did it. This is the other side.”

She was right.

This time last year was a much different story. For both of us.

We were walking our own parallel, painful paths with few people who could relate to what was happening in our lives, even with the best of intentions. So, we’d often call each other for support, because holding it together and doing what you know needs to be done is terrifyingly tricky tightrope to walk.

I remember one rainy day in particular, while sitting in a Panera Bread parking lot (of all places) with my head in my hands, I said to her, “There is an ‘other side’ to all of this. I know it. One day, we’re going to look around and realize we made it to the other side.”

I’ll be honest, I was trying to reassure myself as much as I was trying to help her in saying that. 

But it happened. We blinked, and the other side appeared.

Here’s what I’ve learned about the other side, so far:

• Your truth, without omission, is your greatest currency. The louder you shout the truths that scare you the most into the world, the freer you’ll feel. The more audacious you become in swinging big with what's in your heart, the more love you'll find with ease. Your silence will only buy you isolation, which some of you will stupidly mistake for security and safety. I did. Wake up before it’s too late.
  
  
• The other side will never look like what you expect. That big doomsday scenario you’re dreaming up right now in your head? I can guarantee you it won’t happen that way. That dream life you’re envisioning? You’re probably thinking too small — or you’re underestimating how life has a funny way of drastically altering how you define fulfillment, as well as what (or who) will make you ultimately happy.
  
  
• When you start doing the things you said you’d never do, that’s when life really begins. As Germany Kent once said, “If you feel stuck, move. You're not a tree.” You’re only stuck because you’re insisting you’re trapped. You’re the one holding those chains around you. Drop them. Surprise yourself. Build something. Break something. Be bold. Stop talking a big game and start actually playing in the game.
  
  
• Yes, you’ll still face challenges and problems. That’s part of the human experience, kittens. But you’ll move through those, too, each time with greater ease, authenticity, and happiness. Because you’ve made the choice to actually live your life in a way that is more aligned with who and what you love, and the values that live closest to your heart.

But the more you linger within places, people, fears, beliefs, and circumstances you’ve long outgrown, the more pain you’ll feel around the edges of your life. And it will continue to choke you until you make the decision to do something about it. As a very wise friend once told me, “To carry around something or someone in your life that is energetically dead is to willingly carry around something that is energetically rotting. And that toxicity will kill you.”

At some point you need to accept that we are often the architects of our own misery. Sure, there are bad actors, unexpected failures, and tragic shortfalls that will inevitably knock us down … but what part are you playing in getting back up, moving forward, and transmuting that pain into something purposeful, loving, and pure? 

I've said it once, and I'll say it again:

Fate is born from friction. Ecstasy is born from agony.

And your fire requires a strike to be lit.

All you have to do to get to “the other side” is to give yourself permission to go there. Really, that’s it. You are the relief you seek. You are the answer to the question you’re asking. Your actions are what will write all of the chapters in your book of what comes next. Stop waiting for someone to write it for you. You'll wait forever for your life to begin.

The other side is waiting for you.

And there’s Pitbull and stuffed shells, a-plenty.

🌟 The Darkest Truths Are Your Path to Freedom

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